Derby Wives

I have two derby wives. I need them both for different reasons. Don’t misunderstand, I’m not a lesbian or bisexual. I’ve never even kissed a girl with cherry chapstick or not. I have a boyfriend in “real” life and I think he’s keen but in derby life I am a polygamist. What is a derby wife you ask? She is your derby soulmate. You’ll be looking through the bottom of the whiskey bottle and in that moment you know that she knows that you understand every fiber of her soul. That’s when you get married. There was no proposal or ceremony, just a person that you know you can call at any odd hour and she would be there (unless she is too intoxicated to drive and then you’re on your own – now you know why I have two). She may not be your best friend on the league or in “real” life but she will support you through the derby fiascos and talk you through a reality crisis. You may have very little in common on the surface and she may give you shit about your cleanliness but you are inherently the same person. She is the one that protects your ridiculous idiocracies and knows when you need to be handed a kazoo.